When I was dating, my thought was “I’m a catch.”
I assumed there were men out there who were also great catches.
And that was a good thought to have.
Positive thoughts about myself helped me attract men who were also self-assured.
I projected thoughts about myself outward toward men.
But there are times when projecting thoughts about ourselves onto others works against us.
Like Kate. She was in a new relationship with a guy named Kevin.
Before they met, she did a lot of soul-searching and discovered things about herself that she wanted to change.
She noticed when she was being too critical of others.
She spent less time worrying about things that will probably never happen.
She gave herself permission to say ‘no’ to things she didn’t want to do.
And she started questioning some of the ingrained ideas she has about God, race, and politics.
She was so grateful to be more self-aware.
And she projected that self-awareness and desire to evolve onto Kevin.
But the problem was that Kevin wasn’t self-aware.
He wasn’t evolving.
Kate assumed Kevin wanted to grow into something better, just like she did.
She figured that over time he’d become less racist.
And that he’d work on his temper.
But month after month, he didn’t.
And it baffled her.
She found herself in the trap of wishful thinking.
Until one day she talked to him about his views.
And it was obvious that he saw nothing wrong with any of them.
And soon after that, it was “Goodbye Kevin.”
Why am I telling you this story?
Because you may be dating someone who isn’t growing the way you are.
And you don’t want to wake up one day to realize you’ve wasted time hoping they’d change too.
You can find a partner who is a catch.
You can find a partner who wants to grow and evolve.
But if you’re worried that you can’t, let’s talk. (Sign up for a session on the home page.)