Are there topics you avoid with the person you’re dating?
LikeTaylor. She’s dating Bryan.
When he talks about his ex-girlfriend, she feels uneasy.
And Brianne. She’s dating Holly.
When Holly mentions getting high, Brianne worries.
And Jordan. He’s dating Josh.
When Josh mentions moving to another city for work, Jordan wonders where that leaves the relationship.
People do this often.
Why don’t Taylor, Brianne, or Jordan say anything?
Why are they dropping hints rather than speaking directly?
It’s because it seems easier to feel uneasy.
It seems more comfortable to avoid.
But - more comfortable than what?
More comfortable than speaking directly and not getting the answer you want.
If Taylor asks Bryan about the ex, she may realize he’s still pining away and only dating Taylor because she’s convenient.
And if that happens, Taylor has to do something.
But she doesn’t want to break it off.
Because then she’ll be alone.
And it may be the same for you.
Maybe there are difficult conversations you need to have.
Maybe you’re avoiding too.
But that’s a mistake.
It’s another way of putting blinders on yourself.
But don’t despair. There is good news.
You may be making a mountain out of a mole hill.
A difficult conversation may show you were worried for no reason.
Maybe you were ruminating about nothing.
On the other hand, a difficult conversation may show that you were right. There is a mountainous problem that shouldn’t be avoided.
Because avoiding an issue just prolongs your unease.
And the issue will rear its ugly head sooner or later.
Stay tuned, in part 2 I’ll talk about all the feelings you’re having that cause you to avoid the topic.
Until then, have that conversation you’re avoiding. If you need help, let’s chat.