In the last blog, I talked about having a heart attack after being involved with a shady fucker. Here’s what happened next. Things got even worse.
About a month after my heart attack, I started to date another man. I met him because one of my kids was friends with one of his kids.
Let’s call him “Chuck.” He was a professor at the big university where I lived. Looking back, I think I was unconsciously looking for someone to replace my ex-husband. He was gone, so now it was time to find a new guy to help me recreate a nuclear family. It was obviously not going to work out with Mike, so I figured I’d see what would happen with Chuck.
So I started dating him. And on the second date, we went back to his house. And it was a disaster.
He had a dog and a doggie door. That meant the dog could play outside then run right in and jump onto the couch and all the other furniture. His couch was full of dog hair and muddy paw prints. And there were leaves and mud all over the house. And the floor in the kitchen was so sticky you could actually get stuck in one place.
And what did I do?
I cleaned it. Organized it. I got a gate so the dog couldn’t roam all over the house. I even gave him a really nice couch I had in my basement because the one he had was trashed. I also gave him a dining room table because the one he had was literally on its last legs. So, I went into the home of a grown man and helped him get it to look like a home you’d feel comfortable in.
I even helped him sort through clothes and take stuff to Goodwill. Then we went out and got him some new clothes.
Then, after dating him for about three months, I decided I was done. My brain told me that he wasn’t really doing the adulting thing very well.
So after we broke up, I wondered why I stayed so long with a guy I knew was wrong from the start. I had no desire to be with a man who didn’t clean up after himself. I hated feeling like I was “driving the bus” in my first marriage, and I had no desire to end up there again.
So that was the end of Chuck.
Then I went onto Match.com. I had a few dates here and there, but nothing to write home about.
And then came “Steve.” I met him on Match.com. Before our first date, I was super excited. We’d had great email banter and I knew he was funny and smart. He was also a professor at the local university. So for the first date, I put on some nice jeans, a new blouse, and some nice boots. And of course, I did my hair and makeup.
He came to pick me up. I opened the door and felt instantly disappointed. I told my girlfriends that I lost my woody. He was wearing baggy jeans, a sweatshirt hoodie, and the coup de gras - socks with sandals. But on the plus side, I felt less nervous since I’d made up my mind that we’d just be friends and never date.
So the date was fun. Conversation flowed, he was very nice and super smart.
And guess what? I ended up dating him for a year.
I decided to keep seeing him after the first date because I knew he was a good guy. And he was. He still is. He treated me and my kids very well. But there were certain things I knew I had to have in a partner. And one of them was that he was a team player when it came to raising my kids. I felt very alone raising my kids in my first marriage, and I wanted to be with someone who wasn’t afraid to be a parent and set boundaries and consequences.
I knew Steve would not be anything other than a buddy to my kids, so I broke it off when he gave me a ring and said he was ready to get married.
Looking back, I hate how I broke it off with him. We got into a stupid fight over email, and that was that. I was kind of an asshole. I should have told him exactly what the problem was. But I didn’t. And I spent some time wondering why I stayed with him as long as I did. He was a really nice guy, but I knew there were certain things about him that just weren’t right for me.
Oddly enough, we are still acquainted and in a future blog, I’ll tell you something about my relationship with Steve that really brought my love life full circle.
We’ll get to that later.
So, after breaking it off with Steve, I met someone at a bar and grill. Let’s call him “Mitch.” I was with a girlfriend, and Mitch came over and said “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
I was shocked and flattered. It was like a scene from a cheesy Hallmark movie.
And nothing like that had ever happened to me before. If men hit on me at bars, it was the men who just went from woman to woman looking for someone with a vagina to take the bait.
Mitch was tall, smart, and bold. I liked it. So we started dating. He lived a few hours away during that first month. And when he came into town to see me he was really respectful.
We didn’t have sex until we’d been dating a while which was fine with me. I knew he really liked me and didn’t want to rush into anything. So, he moved to town and got a job in sales at the same radio station where I worked on-air while I was still in grad school.
The radio station put him up in a crappy hotel and sometimes I’d bring him dinner since I was cooking anyway. One night in particular, my son was taking his first class at a new gymnastics place. So I didn’t want to just drop him off. I wanted to stay and watch the class. So I texted Mitch and said “I’ll be a bit late coming over with dinner, at gym with my son.”
He texted back, “Okay then don’t bother. I don’t want to be your Meals on Wheels.”
Uh, that was super shitty.
Yet, I still went over with dinner. I said something about the shitty text. Yet, I continued to date him for another month or so.
Back then, he was in recovery for substance abuse disorder involving cocaine, and it turned out he also had a problem with alcohol.
I noticed it during one weekend that we traveled to see friends. It was supposed to be a romantic weekend away, but he drank so much, that it certainly didn’t turn out that way.
He was wasted and nothing romantic happened. Whiskey dick is a thing.
Not long after that, we went to a concert together and he snuck a flask of booze into the venue. Anyway, I knew I didn’t want to deal with addiction, so I broke it off.
He sent me a bunch of nasty texts.
He was one of those guys who would say something nasty, then be really sweet.
After the relationship was over, I reflected on why I stayed with him as long as I did.
I saw red flags but kept going much longer than I should have.
And that’s the way it went with all three of them. Chuck, Steve, and Mitch. I saw red flags, yet stayed too long,
These three men came in between the two shady fuckers in this story.
My relationship with shady fucker #1 led to the heart attack.
And in the next blog, you’ll hear about shady fucker #2. It’s a humdinger!